Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
