I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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