It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
