capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
