I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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