Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
