Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
