I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
