The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
