my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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