I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
