What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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