The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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