I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
