Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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