Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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