I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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