i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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