So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
