I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
