I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
