oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
