In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had sex on a roof
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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