"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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