He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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