I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
