The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
