im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
