like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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