You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
