he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it hurts more in the daytime
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
