I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
