Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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