The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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