you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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