By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Vodka?
Forever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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