so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
