just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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