She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize