The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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