i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
