I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
