Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
