I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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