I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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