he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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