Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
