You're my little dorito
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
