Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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