i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just invented taco cereal.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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