i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
