last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
