the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
