last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Found the puke drawer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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