He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
