Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
