____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
