I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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