Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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