listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
