Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize