My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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