She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
